Saturday 23 April 2016

Unbelievable Facts About St George You Might Not Know

Unbelievable Facts About St George You Might Not Know

St George is the Patron Saint of England and today is St George's Day.
 
1.  The national day of England is celebrated every year on the 23rd April -- the anniversary of St George's death in 303.
 
2. George became England's patron saint in 1348 when Edward III adopted him as the principal Patron of the new order of chivalry, the Knights of the Garter.
 
3. Edward the Confessor, former King of England, was the Patron Saint of England before St George.
 
He pointed the gun at me and told me to confess my sins. "Yes, I like One Direction."
 
Edward spat in my face. "You make me sick."
 
4. Although St George is the patron saint of England, he isn't English.
 
5. He also never stepped foot on English soil.
 
6. George was a Roman born in AD270ish in Cappadocia, now Eastern Turkey.
 
Bonus Round: When he was 17 years old, George joined the Roman army and became famous amongst the ranks for his bravery. And his seriously embellished stories.
 
He would gather the centurions around the camp fire and tell the story of him as a small boy being raised on Tatooine, dreaming of becoming a great night with a sword of light.
 
A great master would teach him the ways of an unseen magic, he'd kiss his sister, rescue some droids, find out his father was an asthmatic Cornishman whose voice was dubbed by an American actor, and then he saved the galaxy from the evil forces of Skeletor.
 
Oh, and he killed a dragon. Yeah, right. Ooh, look, George, your pants appear to be on fire.
 
7. The Roman Emperor Diocletian executed St George on April 23rd, 303, for being a Christian.
 
Bonus Round: George-Not-Yet-A-Saint was a Christian and served in the army under Emperor Diocletian, who really wasn't a fan of Christians. Some might say he loathed them. What's a Roman Emperor to do? Yep, eradicate them.
 
Being a Christian, George disagreed with this policy and tried to persuade the Emperor to spare their lives. It didn't work. Diocletian continued and thousands died.
 
The Emperor tried to get George to deny his faith in Christ with presents of land, money and slaves.
 
George wouldn't budge.
 
Diocletian frowned and said, "I have become serious. Seriously serious."
 
It was time for torture.
 
"Bring out the kittens."
 
When they didn't work, there was red-hot pokers, lacerations on a wheel of swords, and being made to listen to Cliff Richard's Christmas hits album.
 
George didn't crack. Even when Mistletoe and Wine played on repeat for seven hours.
 
Diocletian soon got fed up and had George's head chopped off on the 23rd April, 303.
 
8. St George slayed a dragon.
 
Well, that's the myth of St George, but can we really believe he was able to take down a dragon? Dragons are too awesome to be taken down by a bloke with a really tiny sword. Yes, St George had a really tiny sword. All the girls said so.
 
There are in fact two stories surrounding the myth of St George and the Dragon. Both quite ridiculous. Although, obviously both based on fact.
 
 
9. There are really famous poems about St George. And then there is this:
 
There once was a saint called George,
who one day fell in a gorge.
 
There was a maid,
and he went to her aid,
until he saw the dragon.
 
Then he wet his pants and ran.
But the dragon chased him, and he got eaten.
Because it's a friggin dragon. And dragons are awesome.
 
St George is stupid.
The End.
 
(What do you mean, I might be biased towards dragons? No idea what you're talking about.)
 
10. St George may be the Patron Saint of England, but only a fifth of English people could tell you the date of St George's Day.
 
In fact, only half of English people could actually tell you who was the Patron Saint of England.
 
And out of that half, only half of a quarter could tell you how many quarters make up a whole, and a whole lot of them think it's perfectly okay to talk to someone on the tube.
 
Those are the psychopaths who follow you home and stab you to death with a hedgehog. So look away. Look away now.
 
11. However, every Scout knows the date of St George's Day, as St George is the Patron Saint of Scouts.
 
 

No comments: